Thursday, September 08, 2005

I have issues

I am discovering that I apparently have a deep-set, irrational need for people (as in, other grad students who I may or may not but probably know from this group) to think of me as a domestic goddess.* At least in terms of my cooking skills. Side note: I enjoy cooking for fun. The Man™ didn't stick me in the kitchen. The Man™ has nothing to do with this post.

Speaking of man in an entirely different context, however (and seeking a plausible explanation for the situation)... maybe I have accidentally internalized the idea that the route to getting myself a boyfriend involves my kitchen and his digestive tract? I doubt it (although perhaps you'll think I'm in denial), but it is an amusing theory to discuss, and I figure I must have internalized something.

This driving desire to feel that I am a domestic wonder is becoming problematic in more ways than a few. Por ejemplo:

(1) I am overloaded with reading and other academic responsibilities this week.

(2) Yet I agree to bring cookies to a grad student function. The agreeing isn't so much the problem, though...

(3) I specify that I will make the cookies. The reason, which I do not dare articulate in front of the others, being that I cannot bring myself to venture forth to the grocery store and buy cookies. It's perfectly fine for other people to bring store-bought cookies, though. Just not me.

(4) I proceed to ignore every attempt made by Nanotribologist and other people to reason with me that really, Theta, it is perfectly fine for you to go buy some cookies. No one's going to care. It's free food, anyway. We're grad students. You know what PHD says about us and food and that PHD speaks the truth. It will vanish as if you'd been a character from Potterverse — say, Tonks — and flicked your wand while yelling Evanesco!**

(5) I spend 2.5 hours of an evening that I really should spend with my nose in a series of articles rather than make 1.5 batches of coconut oatmeal cookies from scratch (I always make cookies from scratch). I tell myself I'll read between shuffling cookie sheets in and out of the oven. Yeah, right.

(6) I am unhappy with the end result of the cookies that I will be taking to the gathering of grad students. Actually, let me qualify that. I am pleased with 20% of the cookies. Those were the ones that I kept caffeine-free. Why are you unhappy with the reprobates? Well, since you ask — let's just say this is the first and LAST time I EVER try to save forty cents by purchasing store brand chocolate chips. That chocolate was most definitely NOT mixed by waterfall. Willy Wonka would mock it mercilessly, and with reason.

(7) So, it is now about 1 am, and the reading forecast is heavy with a slight chance of feeling rested in the morning if I decide to only do a fraction of what I need to do. Problem is, I must be prepared for the class for which I must read, or else very bad things will happen to me and my grade.

(8) I find myself needing to vent before I can accomplish anything, so I blog, try to laugh at myself, and comfort myself with the reminder that unlike my Grandmother (who I love and who is not a bad cook at all), I've at least never forgotten to put the enchilada sauce on the enchiladas... I'm taking all the cookies to the gathering anyway. I figure I might as well.

*This is not a hint for grad student people who know me from real life and read the blog, by the way. Next time you see me, feel free to pretend I never wrote this. Especially if you see me tomorrow night (well, technically today).

**Oh dear. I just realized I didn't even need to look up the word for the vanishing spell. It just came to me.

APPROXIMATELY EIGHT HOURS LATER (not eight hours of sleep, sadly): Apparently when the cookies have cooled, the chocolate chip taste difference isn't as noticeable... go figure.

APPROXIMATELY TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AFTER ORIGINAL POST: The cookies went over very well. At the moment, I am feeling very secure about my cooking skills and all that. Yay. However, the fact that this came to be posted in the first place should only help to reinforce the point that I have issues...